Profound Self Care

Slow, deep breaths. Feeling the ground. Unclenching the jaw, the shoulders, the mind. Softening the eyes, opening the chest, relaxing the belly. Lengthening the spine, and sensing the weight of the arms and legs. Allowing the body to be breathed.

These are just a few of the physical things that we can do in order to calm the nervous system, and remind the body that it is safe, literally allowing us to widen our perspective, and access the inner resources of wisdom and love. This is always a good practice, and especially now. 

Now is also a good time to use this compassionate widsom in order to investigate what truly effective self care is for each one of us, because when we feel good - meaning safe, nurtured, belonging - we are able to see reality more clearly, we are able to make better decisions, and we are able to respond to what’s happening in the world around us from a place of insight, instead of reacting from fear. 

The kind of investigation I am suggesting requires a maturity - a kind of honesty with ourselves - about what really keeps us profoundly healthy in body, mind, heart, & spirit, and not what is just a temporary fix or a band-aid solution. This year has been full of shocks to many of our systems - both inner and outer - and so it is understandable we may look to soothe ourselves through indulging the very satisfying, although temporary, relief we can get from both excessive pleasure and excessive anger, or from totally numbing out. If ever there was a time that these pursuits have been more than justified, 2020 has been the time. But what I am hoping, is that 2020 is teaching us how important it is that we take care of ourselves in a deep, long-lasting, authentic way, so that we can offer the best of ourselves to ourselves and to the world we live in. We still have more bumpy miles ahead of us. (It is actually always kind of bumpy, as we know).

My first suggestion, to know what profound self care is for you, is to feel into the body, and to listen to it. This is something that we all can do, regardless of our outer circumstances. Some examples of what I mean by this are:

• Notice how you feel when reading the news - particularly in the stomach and heart area, not to mention at the back of the neck & shoulders. The body may be telling you to take a pause on this activity for a bit, and instead, to notice what good things are  happening in your very immediate surroundings.

• Notice what kinds of food you are craving: sugar cravings may mean you are seeking some sweetness and pleasure  in your life, salt cravings may indicate a desire to feed inner anger or frustration, and excessive carbohydrates may mean that you are seeking comfort and safety. From a place of total non-judgement and pure self-love, ask yourself if you can give your body these things in a different way - by treating yourself more sweetly, by honoring, without indulging, your anger, or by soothing yourself with comforting actions?
  
  

• Notice when you are tired, and instead of pushing through, try getting more rest. In general, our bodies are processing a lot more information these days, and they can get exhausted sooner than later.  Rest can recharge everything, epecially the brain, and help us release unconscious tension, allowing us to see the world with fresh eyes.
  
  

These are some examples of body-based self care, but I also suggest that we dig even deeper. For example: when you are feeling frustrated, upset, lonely, or any other strong emotion, how does that feel in the body? What is the body is wanting that you can give it right now? 

This may turn into a very revealing investigation. For example, we may be reading/watching the news, and notice that we are becoming upset - for any one of a number of reasons - and we feel our stomach tightening, our eyes narrowing, our shoulders hunching, and our breath shortening. Then, we stop and ask ourselves ‘What is the body wanting that I can give it right now?’ When I am in this situation, what I personally want is peace, and so I find the seed of peace within me, and feed it with my breath until it fills my whole body, and radiates beyond. My perspective widens, my body relaxes, and I remember that I am not alone in wanting peace.

The most empowering, and therefore most important part of this investigation, is that we look for things that we can do for ourselves right now, instead of looking for things that are out of our control, or that are in the past or future. The answer of ‘what we need’ will be personal to each one of us, but it starts with bringing the attention inside and listening to what’s going on within us, with breath, spaciousness, and of course, with wisdom and love.  

What we need is so individual, and this means that we need to get to know ourselves in a more profound way, instead of accepting what society, the media, or anyone else other than our wisest and most loving self,  says we need. Silence, stillness, and time in nature are often recommended in order to be able to give attention to the deeper parts of ourselves, and to get to know ourselves more deeply, and I agree with this recommendation.

Of course, I also recommend the very tried and true self-care practices that help release conscious and unconscious tension in the body in such a magical way, such as:

Moving the Body

There are so many FREE options on the internet for all sorts of exercise - from cardio salsa to yin yoga, with practices as short as 5 minutes or as long as several hours, depending on your schedule. Find a teacher, or an app, that you resonate with, an put it on repeat. I often start a practice in a bad mood, but finish in a totally different state - of contentment, with enthusiasm and a wider perspective, and with more capacity to meet life where it is. Please enjoy my latest video of a very accessible movement sequence, done seated, to open up the upper body.

Meditation

There are also many free options for guided practices of all levels and lengths, but I also encourage developing one’s own self-practice. The intent of meditation is to cultivate an internal place of sanctuary, or refuge - a place where you can listen to all the parts of yourself - especially the wisest and most loving parts - in a non-judgemental, spacious way. Directing the attention to the breath, and to the feelings in the body, not only helps to relax and center a busy mind, it helps us get to know ourselves better, and to develop a deep friendship with our own self. I think it’s important to emphasize that meditation is a very mundane practice, and does not need to be given any sort of ‘specialness’. It is simply becoming still and noticing what is happening on the inside, and possibly on the outside (listening to the sound of the wind through the trees, the birdsong, or the hum of the fridge can be very helpful in quieting the mind and bringing us to the present moment). The point is to live less lost in thought, more connected to one’s direct experience, and going into the body is a great starting point. Please enjoy my latest guided meditation here.

Eating as Healthy as Possible

Not only does eating plenty of fresh fruit and veggies, and other whole foods help support a strong immune system (this is a big deal always, but especially now), it also feeds the brain, heart, gut, and muscles with positive energy. The food we eat affects our hormones, our nervous system, our gut mircobiome, and indeed all of our internal systems, which greatly affects our mood and mental state. Food is medicine. Please enjoy this latest set of yummy, healthy recipes, that I post once a month.

Drink Water

It is the least expensive health food around, and very good medicine. Any beverage without caffeine, sugar, or alcohol counts as water - including herbal tea, or water with lemon, cucumber, or other flavorful addition. Enjoy mixing it up to keep the body hydrated and cleansed.

Walk in Nature

If you live in a busy city like me, this  means that we need to really enjoy all the trees, shrubs, flowers, and beautiul yards that we can. We are nature, our bodies are nature, so when we connect with other living creatures, it reminds us who we are.

Connect to Loving Energy 

This may be in the form of friends, family, your own inner sense of love, or a more universal spirit of love. These last 2 options are available to us at all times, and the more we cultivate them, the more immediately they can be accessed.

Living your Someday

Now is a good time to do some of the things that you have been wanting to do for  while. While we may not be able to travel to an exotic country, now may be a good time to start up a new exercise or meditation routine, write letters to those we have not connected with in a while, learn how to play the piano, or take a course at one of the many higher learning institutions that are offering free online courses during this  time. I suggest choosing something that cultivates joy, and and satisfies something deep inside you.

Laughter Therapy

One of the most powerful forms of good, free medicine that we can access anytime, is smiles and laughter. This is definitely not always easy, so we may need to take some lessons from the children around us, or the animals. A good sense of humor is worth its weight in gold.

With a lot of these options, I am emphasizing the FREE aspect, because it is very important to note that self care does not need to mean going for facials and massages (although those are wonderful). Self care is something much deeper than that. It is taking care of our heart, mind, body, and soul. It is getting to know ourselves and making friends with ourselves. It is cultivating a kind of joy and peace within that is enduring - through all circumstances. 

Wishing you well. Take good care.