Finding Strength in Our Own Heart
Courage, determination, integrity, effort, patience, resolve…While the heart’s sweeter qualities tend to be focused on in movies and love songs, now is a good time to remember, and to cultivate, its more fierce aspects. I am writing this at a time when our outer circumstances are challenging, to say the least. While everyone’s situation in the world is very different, we also have much more in common globally than we have had for a long time, and so now, particularly in this shared moment, it might be helpful to remind ourselves that while we cannot control many of our outer circumstances, we can control our relationship with our own hearts.
It’s also worthwhile to remember that, at various times in our lives, we are all faced with our own personal moments of crisis and difficulty - moments when we might be tempted to lose heart. And so, while I hope that this post is of some benefit to all of those who are suffering from the various collective crises that we are traversing through together, I also hope that it is of benefit for the personal suffering that tragically, but inevitably, comes to visit each one of us - now, or at any point in our lives.
Very simply, I want to remind us of the qualities of the heart that we all posess, now and always, and that we can cultivate, strengthen, and draw upon when needed. This is much easier work to do when we are feeling good - meaning safe, nurtured, belonging - but, as this may not be the case for many of us now, I suggest that we do it anyway, because the work is worth the effort. I recognise that now is not an easy time (understatement), and so ‘doing more work’ is exactly what we DON’T want to do, but the heart, although fierce, is also sweet, and so we will be rewarded for our efforts with its treasures, rest assured.
As I remind you of some of the many qualities of the heart, I ask that you feel into your own for the sensation that each quality evokes. I invite us all to start this exploration with the quality of kindness. When you read the word ‘kindness’, how does that feel in the heart area? What physical sensations, however subtle, can you sense at the heart? While words may be helpful for identifying sensations, it can often be even more helpful to bypass the thinking mind and just let yourself relax into the feeling. When you read ‘kindness’, you may sense only a subtle kind of ‘energy’ at the heart, a spark of something difficult to put your finger on, but I ask that you trust that feeling and stay with it. It may be helpful to remember a moment in your life when you experienced kindness - either in giving it or receiving it. If it is helpful, go into the memory as fully as you need to, in order to feel it in your body. In terms of physical sensation, you could notice if there is a texture to the feeling - smooth, or fluffy, for example. You could notice if it is heavy or light, cool or warm, tight or expansive. Breathe in those sensations. Then, once you have the physical sense, let the memory go, because the focus here is not on the memory or the event, but on the feeling of kindness NOW and HERE, in the body. Your heart has the capacity for kindness right here in this moment, which you are able to share with others, and also with yourself. Enjoy this strong quality of your own heart.
As we explore other heart qualities, I encourage you to go through the same process: noticing the physical sensation in the body as you read the words, using a memory if it is helpful to generate the sensation (although this is not required), and then once there is a sensation in the body, let the memory go and just stay with the physical sense in the here and now, breathe it in, and enjoy.
The heart is the home of so many qualities. Some say that the heart has its own ‘mind’ - that is, its own intelligence - that is independent of, and yet very influencial on, the thinking brain. Certainly we often make decisions based on the feeling in our hearts rather than the thoughts in our heads, and while at times this might seem reckless and overly emotional, if we can develop a strong heart intelligence, we might be able to increasingly rely on our very compelling, almost primoridal, heart wisdom.
Ok, let’s go.
Enthusiasm
This is a quality that may be difficult to spontaneously illicit if you are feeling down, and so going into your memories may be a very useful tool. But perhaps it may also be helpful to remember that one of the reasons that you are feeling down, is because our innate nature WANTS to be enthusiastic, and it is finding it hard at this time. Enthusiasm is energetic, open, and hopeful. There is almost a childlike innocence to it. When we tap into this feeling, either through recounting a memory or by directly sensing it in the body, it can feel as though we could meet life with a kind of joyful effort. What are you enthusiastic about? What wakes up enthusiasm in you, that allows you to lose yourself in your excitement? Enthusiasm is like a birthday present - you get to enjoy the outer present, the box, which is the simple feeling of enthusiasm, and then you get to enjoy what’s inside the box, which is whatever gives you joy.
Generosity
‘To give is to recieve’ - we know this. We know how good it feels in our hearts when we freely give, without expectation, of our time, energy, care, or love. We may even feel a kind of pride or satisfaction within ourselves when experiencing our own generosity, and this is soooooo ok. It is the reward of being able to experience our better nature, and so I encourage you to remember these times with a generous amount of pleasure. Being generous with oneself is equally as important. When we give to ourselves - love, value, time, respect - it is no effort to give it to others. If you cannot remember the last time you gave these things to yourself, make now that time, and know that you are doing something good not just for you, but for everyone around you.
Loving Kindness or Compassion
Empathy is when we feel the suffering of another, and compassion is empathy PLUS the desire to alleviate the suffering, be it a little or a lot. Just the wish to alleviate the suffering of another is a jewel. Scientists are actually proving now that when we send out wishes of compassion to other beings - people, animals, plants, ourselves - that not only does the compassion part of our brain grow bigger, but that our energy actually DOES travel to the other being. So, have faith in sending out your compassionate wishes, because they are extremely powerful, and all the moreso when they are accompanied by compassionate action. Now, of course, is a particularly good time for compassion practice, which can be as simple as sitting in stillness for just a moment and bringing to mind and heart those who are suffering at this time (including yourself), and saying silently ‘May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be safe. May you live in peace.’
Patience
This quality is very wise, spacious, and full of breath. Patience implies an inner knowing that all things are temporary, and all things will pass, and for that, there is tranquility. Perhaps it is helpful to remember a time in the past when it seemed like a situation would never change, and then one day you were looking at that same situation through the rear view mirror. If patience is very challenging for you, you might bring to mind someone you know that embodies patience for you. Notice how you feel when you think of that person, and what they inspire in you. Patience requires endurance, trust, and a confidence in the path we are on, and these qualities can be found in the depths of the heart. We have more capacity for patience than we think, and, in fact, practicing patience is one of the fastest ways to build inner strength.
Determination
Patience and determination make a beautiful partnership. Patience allows us to relax in the present, while determination reminds us to keep the fire of our aspirations burning. Determination is definitely not mental, because we all have had the experience of when the mind knew a million reasons why we should do a certain thing, but we didn’t actually do it until we ‘got our heart into it’. Another word that is often used to describe this quality is ‘resolution’. These words have a quality of strength, sharpness, vision, and of belief in oneself, and in one’s highest intentions. Remember a time when your determination allowed you to overcome a challenge or an obstacle, and how good that felt in the heart. We have this quality right now, this strength. We may need a reminder from time to time, but we always have it.
Forgiveness
We forgive not for the benefit of the other person, but for our own wellbeing. We forgive to free ourselves of the burden that we are carrying - of anger, resentment, or pain. Forgiveness definitely does NOT mean that what happened was ok, rather it means that we are accepting that the past happened, and that we want to move forward freely into our future. It is one of the most miraculous abilities of the heart. We do not need to forgive someone to their face, or with words; it can be enough just to forgive in the heart, and let go of our own suffering. Forgiving our own selves can be one of the hardest things to do, and for this reason one of the most valuable. Just like forgiving another allows us to let go of the past and move forward, self-forgiveness allows us to make amends with ourselves so we can be gifted with a new future.
Courage
In order to feel the need for courage, we first have to admit and face our vulnerability, and our fear. This is what makes courage all the more powerful - it is born from the recognition of our own fragility as human beings. Remember a time when you moved forward despite feeling fearful - something we all feel. It doesn’t matter if it was for something big or small. Remember how it felt to move a mountain. Courage is like that. One of the biggest forms of courage is to look in the mirror with love, honesty, and wonder. One of the bravest things we can do is be true to ourselves, with ourselves. This creates a strong foundation for living truly in peace and freedom.
Integrity
We all know the feeling when we have not been true to ourselves, and it just hasn’t sat right with us in our hearts. Inside of each of us is a built-in lie detector, and we know how much we can suffer internally when we betray our own values, or knowingly cause internal or external harm. Our body wants to live in integrity. When we do, there is an inner peace, a relaxation, knowing that we did what was right, even if it was not easy. Remember a time when you did or said something (or refrained from doing or saying something), because of your integrity, and how it felt in the body. Feel that now, and remember that this is who you are. Making a vow to stay true to ourselves, and to be of benefit to the world around us is a very powerful thing, and yet something simple that we can renew each day.
Equanimity or Peace, and Wisdom or Insight
I am grouping these final heart qualities together, because I think that they are the grand result of working with the previous ones. These qualities naturally arise as we live enthusiastically and courageously with integrity, kindness, & generosity. And when we don’t, we forgive ourselves, and with compassion, patience & determination, we carry on. We cultivate inner peace and wisdom by practicing all the above, and by resting in and respecting the intelligence of the heart.
We all have felt these qualities at different times in our lives - perhaps only for fleeting moments, or perhaps for years, but they are always inside of us. Now, as always, is a good time to remind ourselves of the enormous capacity of our hearts, right now, in this moment. With utmost kindness towards yourself, (and enthusiasm!) I encourage you to practice these qualities, to cultivate them with inner and outer acts, in invisible ways and in grand gestures, and enjoy the fruits of your efforts. To keep the heart in good shape, we must exercise it physically AND emotionally, so it is resilient, elastic and springy, and can more easily roll with what life brings us. My previous post, Profound Self Care, contains more ideas on this topic, and another recent post, Upper Body Opening, contains a very accessible movement sequence designed to open the heart area. My focus is here, because I have found that in challenging times, the thinking mind can often take over, and this is not always the most helpful thing. By staying in our hearts and in our bodies, we can access our full capacity and wisdom, which are beyond measure, and I wish this for all of us.
Wishing you Well. Take Good Care.